Motherhood has been on my mind more than usual. With pals becoming new moms, turning the page onto a new decade myself, and Mother's Day upon us, I've been seeing motherhood from a lot of different angles.
Join our Mother gang because mothering is hard enough without friends. In love and support of all mothers.
I will not judge; I will love instead.
I've always wanted to be a mother and pictured myself as one. I've been formulating what that picture looks like since I was a little girl. In many ways, all that I've learned, I learned through the lens of wanting to teach it to my future children. I have evaluated the world, other people, and myself through this lens of the best mother.
And in that light, I have critiqued other parenting styles and choices. And when I became a new momma, I was super critical of myself. Am I doing this right? Is she sleeping enough or too much? Should I be nursing more or less? Do I keep her stimulated or too much so? So many questions ran through my head, judging every move I made.
I will not judge; I will love instead.
We had our second child when our first was two, and I heard others judgments. Are you ready for another? How many are you going to have? I think two years is too close. I think two years is too far apart. How old are you now? Are you really going back to work?
Adding to my own self evals (that were still coming up less than glowing), I heard the voices of "them" - those people who don't really matter in our regular lives but we somehow give power to when we're making important life choices.
I will not judge; I will love instead.
I'm a mom, three times over now. My oldest has been on this earth a decade now, and my youngest can speak in paragraphs. My inner critic is quieter or has a better sense of humor. And the "them" have evolved with new faces and new questions/advice/unhelpful observations.
And I see moms making the same, the opposite, or slightly similar choices to my own. And whether it be my age, my faith, my exhaustion, or my wisdom...
I just want to love them.
To walk up while they are fighting with the onesie diaper change. To high five while they're trying to wrestle with the toddler in the carseat. To hug when the child screams loudly and repeatedly in the middle of Church. To offer knowing respect when the tween spouts off disrespect. To hold hands as the middle schooler takes first steps into high school. To hold our breath on the first night that curfew is actually used.
I will not judge; I will love instead.
You always wanted to be a mom.
You weren’t sure you wanted children.
You work.
You stay at home.
You do both.
You cook.
You have the pizza guy on speed dial.
You breastfed.
You bottle fed.
You craft the day away.
You buy pre-made Valentines.
You lost the baby weight.
You just call it weight now.
You think motherhood is rewarding.
You think motherhood is challenging.
You think both.
Yet...
We are paralyzed by the thought of them growing up.
We worry if they’re getting enough vegetables.
We cry.
We wish for just five minutes of silence.
We fear we aren’t doing it right.
We understand our own mothers now.
We yearn for unsolicited hugs.
We feel guilty.
We stand in awe at their accomplishments, big and small.
We grieve when another has lost a child.
We love hard.
We have a common thread.
And it is #mother
I'm joining in the #MotherMovement. It's an effort begun by Sara Moore, and it begins with the statement above called the #MotherManifesto. It's a commitment to lift up all mothers. To stop the mommy wars and the bickering. To support. To listen. To love.
I will not judge; I will love instead.
There's a lovely Mother Gang of incredible women steering the ship, and we'd love you to join in. You're a #motherlover, aren't you? We're real people who find mothering hard and amazing and exhausting and worth it.
Head over to Mother Manifesto to read more about this movement!! You'll see more about it here on Pars Caeli over the next months. And we have a pretty kicking giveaway coming up next week, too.
Put aside your differences to lift all mothers up and support them in whatever way they need. Commit to the #mother community, to the village we always hear about, that we all need as mothers to make it through with our sanity.
JOIN OUR MOM GANG. BECAUSE MOTHERHOOD IS HARD ENOUGH WITHOUT FRIENDS.
And to all mothers out there, you are loved.