The Beauty by Kavan & Co available at Society 6

GO BUY IT

Sometimes I see better with my eyes closed. I find this to be especially true when looking at myself. In my mind's eye, my image is just as I remember it and still see it in my wedding photos, now ten years old.

When I open my eyes, I get really specific. I zero in on that new blemish under my nose. I focus on the wrinkles in my brow that grow deeper. I remember that figure drawing class where I discovered just how uneven my features are and that my face gets so wide when I smile.

My image is a pleasant one. I know this from years of reassurance, compliments, and love from those I hold most dear. I am blessed to have been given all that I have. And, yet, I can make it all seem so much less than when I look with my eyes open.

The blogging/social media world has challenged me in all new ways. Posting new avatars and profile pictures comes with the territory. "Selfies" pop up and tagged images make their way back to your page.

And since I can - the temptation to Photoshop is always there. I can retouch, smudge, and erase.

I took pictures with my children on Mother's Day. After everyone was settled into bed, I opened the images in my photo editor. I selected an image that I loved of my daughter and me. I magnified the image, and proceeded to brush off the bags under my eyes, click off the pimple on my chin, and smooth/smudge my brow. I then zoomed out of the image, ready to be pleased with the final photograph.

Instead, I hit the control Z to undo. It didn't work. I could not undo these changes in my appearance.

In my altered snapshot, I looked strangely morphed, slick, and odd. Who was this?

Turned off by this image, I clicked to the next photo of me (bags, lines, and all) and the image of me was much more approachable, warm, and human.

I realized that the bags under my eyes actually make my eyes sparkle a bit and bring prominence to my cheekbones. And that I look more like my children in my natural state, and I find them refreshingly beautiful. And, honestly, my smoothed appearance aged me more.

Editing or correcting took away the beauty that I expect to see in the mirror but rarely recognize. Or perhaps I should say, more fittingly, the beauty I rarely appreciate.

For my daughters and son. For my husband who's always given me the nickname, "Beautiful." For me and my inner joy and satisfaction.

I will look for the sparkle and the beauty before I find the fault. I'm still an artist; I still see the shadows, but I wll not let them define the final impression.

And I will use Photoshop... only sparingly. :)

xoxo, MJ

P.S. Join in the Love Yourself Linkup hosted by Anne, every Tuesday. You'll be surprised how much love comes back your way.

Perhaps you've heard this story before? The one of the superhero who can extend, expand, and alter time? No?

I don't remember a lunchbox with her picture on it, but somewhere along the way I decided I wanted to be this all star.

My journey to conquer time began from a place of confidence and passion. I told myself that I'd been given this set of God-given talents, and with the 168 hours in the week, I needed to spend the vast majority of them working, volunteering, creating, cleaning, mothering... I could do it!! I was on my path to superhero status, so why not?

And underlying that notion...a thought of pride. I am better than. I can do more. Look at me. Watch me.

I can raise amazing children to whom I dedicate focused attention as I nurture their abilities, challenge their behaviors, and impart the wisdom I have acquired through this super special journey that I'm on. I can do this while I give just as much attention to my adoring husband, and just as much attention to making my home warm, welcoming, well decorated, and, of course, trendy. You better believe I'm incredibly successful at my job, giving more than expected and adding ideas only I could offer. Oh, and I can run that volunteer group at Church and come in for centers and help out with after school activities. Yes, yes, go ahead and sign me up to bring in that casserole. I'm running and staying fit - oh and did you see that I brought that great project from Pinterest to life. I am a superhero. Did I mention that? Yes, of course, I've read that 400-page book for bookclub.

But don't ask me to talk about it because I've only read the synopsis on line.

And my Pinterest project...well, don't turn it over because it's not actually usable.

I was distracted at centers and unfocused with my volunteers.

My laundry is unfolded, my dishes undone, dust is layering on my bookshelves.

I can't get to all the projects that keep coming my way at work.

And I yelled at my kids and my husband. It seems they don't see this superhero path, and they just want to distract me with new needs and wants.

Why can't they all just figure it out? I'm tired. I'm spent. I'm sick - again.

I have to expand time. Do they not understand? I am a superhero. I can fit it all in with a smile. I can accomplish more than you.

And underlying it all - I'm better than you.

And the kryptonite hits. Maybe this time it's the permission slip I forgot to submit. Or the event that goes sour because I didn't have enough energy to devote. Sometimes it's a simple as an off remark at work or a tone of voice from home and

It breaks. I crack.

The force field can't withstand this hit. And I cry. And I doubt.

Why are you not good enough to do all of this? You are a superhero, remember? You are better than...you should be able to do this. What's wrong with you?

And the soft, clear voice of reason or of God (or maybe both) can be heard, finally. Shhhhh. Listen to it now.

You are beautifully and wonderfully made.

You are meant to give your gifts freely and with joy.

And that is enough, THAT is more than. Not you. You, my friend, are not a superhero. That job has been taken by One, all-powerful and almighty. Stop trying to take over.

And let go. Drop the mask and the walls.

You are not better than. You are the same as, in totally different ways.

You are enough as you are. Be that. Do that.

And leave the superhero fantasies to your children and the youth of the world. You have deeper knowledge of friendship and compassion, equivalent to any Marvel power.

Be you. Gently. That's pretty super.

xoxo, MJ