Hey friends, Happy Tuesday to you!!! How's this week started off for you? So far Monday was a frustration, and Tuesday has been jam-packed with work. We are week #1 of summer vacation for my three kids.

With a mom and dad who work full-time, these balls of energy spend their mornings busy at a variety of camps and then home with me in the afternoons. I so look forward to our summers together. Though I'm always more preoccupied with work than I'd like, it's our time to take on new projects, lie in the grass, and eat every meal outside.

However, transitions from one schedule to another are not my specialty, and this first week moving away from the school schedule and in to the summer version is always more stressful than I anticipate. Note to self: be sure to have wine and chocolate close at hand for this first week of summer.

Your glimpses of summer have dropped my blood pressure and brought a hint of jealousy here and there (check out Joy's photo below). Seriously, why don't we all live in Hawaii??

Summer at home in Hawaii. ~ Joy

Summertime ~ MJ

Unexpected beauty in the hospital parking lot ~ Melanie

~ Julia

Oh, you don't photograph your family while they brush their teeth? Lame. ~ scatt85 on Instagram

Yesterday's "swimming with frogs" session. ~ Jen on Instagram at @jenmygatt

I love her to the moon and back ~ Jill

This is summer ~ Brittani

Fresh, local strawberries. So pretty. So tasty. ~ Meagan

Thank you, thank you to all of our talented artists this week. I really enjoyed seeing your view of summertime. To help keep in fresh around here, we switching things up for next week.

Next Tuesday, I'll be in a full-on panic mode, getting ready for my first ever trip to New York City. I'm headed there for the Alt Summit NYC conference at Martha Stewart's HQ. I'm rooming with two great blogging pals and getting to meet dozens of ladies with whom I've collaborated in the last year. I'm more than over the moon about this and also slightly scared out of my mind (jeepers).

So in honor of being bold and putting yourself out there, we'll be celebrating the abnormal next Tuesday. I'll be watching for posts and photos up until next Sunday at midnight.

And while I'm in NYC, I'll be sending ridiculous photos your way with the #ParsCaeliatALT, and I'll be sure to recap my out-of-the-ordinary experience for you!!

Snap and gram away, my lovelies. And let's capture some of the unusal and amazing things going on around us.

xoxo, MJ

Hola, friends. It's Wednesday of a short week around here. We're off to Chicago for a bit of the holiday weekend to celebrate C's 6th birthday. She's a huge fan of Navy Pier so off we go this Friday!

What are you doing for the holiday weekend?

Even if you're not taking any grand trips, promise to celebrate the ordinary moments.

“And while it takes courage to achieve greatness, it takes more courage to find fulfillment in being ordinary. For the joys that last have little relationship to achievement, to standing one step higher on the victory platform. What is the adventure in being ordinary? It is daring to love just for the pleasure of giving it away. It is venturing to give new life and to nurture it to maturity. It is working hard for the pure joy of being tired at the end of the day. It is caring and sharing and giving and loving…” ~ Marilyn Thomsen

This is my life. My wish come true. ~ MJ

Looking up when things are looking down. ~ Paige

Man, I need a drink. ~ Marilynn

Random love notes from Hubs after a rough day. This is my life. ~ MyLittleAddiction

Gearing up for ice cream cone days on Cape Ann. ~ Joy

Sometimes you just need to take a day off. ~ Brittani

Enjoying a peaceful cup of coffee with just the birds and my chimes for company. ~ H at teddy4775 on Instgram

The boy on his bike ~ Julia

Teacher Appreciation Week begins today for us. Celebrating some special people. ~ Theresa

Water drops on leaf / so fresh and clear, round, and bright / gives life to nature ~ Jen as JenMygatt on Instagram

___________________________________________________________________________________

Gigantic thank yous to the incredible artists who joined the party this week. You embody Marilyn's words, "daring to love just for the pleasure of giving it away."

I hope you'll snap a few shots of your week ahead and tag them with #celebratethenormal.

Next week we're going head first into joy with the theme:

xoxo, MJ

Wishing all of our friends affected by Hurricane Sandy a hopeful start to November in the midst of challenges ahead. I felt a pang last night reading messages of delayed and canceled Halloweens (and much worse, of course).

Our evening was a full one. Temperatures here dipped into the forties and it rained a steady drizzle all day and night long. I dressed the kiddos in layers but the chill was still very much a part of the experience of Trick or Treat this year. We doled out 10 bags of candy for two hours, and my daughters had so much fun being the ones charged with giving out candy to our costumed neighbors from our front porch.

We ran through leaves, costumes covered by ski coats and fleeces, to every house in our neighborhood. It's funny how this silly holiday bring you eye-to-eye with people you haven't seen in ages or seasons and who live just a few steps away.

Honesty here, friends? Life is filled with stressors. Around us we've had a few major ones pop up in the last year, but those are not my stories to share. These stresses add weight to our shoulders and our hearts. Some moments are heavy.

I thrive on the windows of joy. They (and a great husband, kids, and my faith) get me through it. My children were so excited to see each open door last night and get another piece of candy for their bags and buckets. They giggled with our neighborhood children as to who would be brave enough to go up to that extra scary house.

I saw them work together, and bubble over with childhood joy, and soak up all that I've wished their childhoods to be.

For my part, I added a little silly. Mary Poppins has long been my favorite movie, and my kiddos now love it, too. Being silly with my little ones was a great way to spend the evening, and they loved that Mommy got into it WITH them.

Life can't always be filled with happiness. We have struggles that will challenge. We also have the gift of windows of joy, opened to us to reveal the Goodness that abounds.

It's the feast of All Saints today for Catholics, and we're grateful for the wonderful men and women who have come before us to show us what it means to live a good and holy life. They offer peeks into those windows, too.

Wishing you moments of joy for this November!

XOXO, MJ

My beautiful friend, Paige, is getting married.

The whole getting-married phase of life can be a big time of transition; it was for me. I kind of consider myself a creature of transition. I moved a handful of times as a child, racking up five different schools in six years. I moved around campus as an undergrad and picked up to a new spot after graduation, too.

Strangely I now find myself living in the same town for the last decade in a half. I'm married to the same, incredible guy I fell in love with moons ago, and we inhabit the house we moved into the Monday after our wedding, ten years ago.

And yet when I look back through the rearview mirror of my adulthood (yikes), I see transition after transition. Somehow staying in the same place, doing (mostly) the same thing, with the same soulmate has not stopped the changes from swirling through life. Many of those I embraced with wide open arms (hello motherhood of three great kids) and other changes that I tried to run from, like magic shoe's - sprint!

My kids have their own host of transformations and new stages that add to the variety and spice of life. My daughters, now 7 and 5, share a bedroom. And my little guy, a new 3-year old, has just made the move to the big boy room. When it was time to move him to his new space, we tried to make things all fair and even (who are we kidding?) and moved all three of them around to different bedrooms.

That meant that no one would fill the space that once was inhabited by small versions of each of them... the nursery. It's a small cozy room with one window opening up to our backyard. When I was pregnant with my first, I spent hours and hours in there, painting a mural with smiling bugs (our theme at the time) and the text from the toast that my husband dedicated to me at our wedding reception.

YOU MAKE MY SUNNY DAYS BRIGHTER AND MY BLUE SKIES BLUER.

Read the rest of this recent transition over on Approaching Joy today as a part of a special series she has on Macro Moments. Join me over there after the photo...

XOXO, MJ

Please send this along to every high school and college senior you know. Or offer these words to someone going through transition (maybe even you?).

In the meantime, let's get busy with this alive stuff.

XOXO, MJ

    

Oh, my dear readers, I think I have a really good something for you. It's a new series coming atcha every other Thursday from now until Thanksgiving (it's all about gratitude, my friends) only here at Pars Caeli featuring the writings of the talented Joy from Frock Files and me. Joy and I have been all crafty behind the scenes coming up with some stories/ideas/fresh perspectives that we hope will make you recognize opportunity in the problems that come your way and prompt you to use your creative juices for the power of good.

I am so indebted to Joy for her many gifts and especially for this one right here:

Doug Dietz was at a hospital to check out an MRI machine that he had created. He was proud of it and excited to see it in action. But when it came time for the patient to get into the machine, it was a painful thing -- the machine was being used to scan a 7-year-old girl who, for obvious reasons, found the whole experience to be absolutely terrifying.  For an MRI machine to work, the patient must lie still. Getting that scared little girl to be still while the machine made loud, foreign noises around her was impossible. Her parents were upset, the technicians felt helpless, and the little girl did not want to have the scan done.

This was a lightbulb moment for Dietz. While he could have turned around and dismissed the experience by saying there was nothing he could do about it, Dietz instead began thinking about how they could transform the experience for kids by using their own strength of imagination. Along with a local children’s museum, Dietz observed children, interviewed doctors and parents of patients, and began to understand how they could incorporate the simple act of play into the MRI procedures.

The team took their findings and went to work on the MRI rooms with adventure themes. One was turned into intergalactic expedition, simply by painting the walls with murals that looked like outer space. And what better rocket than the already space-age looking MRI machine? The patients became astronauts, while the technicians became mission control. As the once frightening noises of the machine began, the technicians spoke through the machine’s speakers to let their astronaut know that the rocket’s engines were starting up. By making the experience fun, Dietz turned the experience from one of tears to one in which kids come out excited, saying to their parents, “Did you see how fast I was going?”

When this story aired on TED Radio Hour a couple of weeks ago, it struck something deep inside me. While, of course, it made me so grateful that the kids I know are healthy, it made me think about something that’s become increasingly important in my own adult world, as well: sometimes a simple change of perspective is all you need. I thought of all the things I dread and how easily I could turn them around if only I’d incorporate some imagination and play into the ways that I understand them.

From now until Thanksgiving, MJ and I will be doing a series here on Pars Caeli with different ideas about how we can implement this kind of transformative process in our own lives -- for ourselves, the children around us, and our loved ones. By shining new light on unpleasant experiences, we can begin to enjoy our lives more fully -- and that’s definitely something to be grateful for. We hope you’ll join us as we begin this exploration into the power of perspective!

Is there something in your life ready for the Turn It challenge?

XOXO, MJ (and Joy)

        

Shortly after having my second child, I signed up for a parenting class offered through my Church. I was ready for a fresh perspective and some new ideas as I headed into life with 2 kiddos. One of the opening exercises we did was to reflect on the question of what kind of children you wanted to raise. I wrote down a sheet full of adjectives that I would use to describe my dreams for my children. During the group sharing portion, I offered one idea. "Content", I blurted out. "Content?" he questioned. "Well, let's leave that off the list. That one has so much more to do with how they feel about themselves. And do you really want contentment? Isn't it better to be going FOR something?"

I left that evening puzzled. Contentment, as I had seen it, was a good thing - a state of being that said I am pleased (enough) with myself and my surroundings that I can be happy.

Enter Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. I've been reading it all summer and posting my reflections on each chapter. My curiosity was piqued when I came to Chapter 11 entitled Keep a Content Heart. Hmm. What would she have to say about contentment?

Her resolutions were these:

• Laugh out loud.
• Use good manners.
• Give positive reviews.
• Find an area of refuge.

She talks about "a heart to be contented" Do I have a heart to be contented? Much like Gretchen, I weigh in more on the dissatisfied, fretful, and a pain to please. Just ask my husband. Oh, wait, don't. :)

Contentment is our perception of happiness. It is in some ways the highest form of happiness because it adds the rest together and makes the broadest brushstroke, and, when actively present, contentment allows us to evaluate ourselves as happy.

As Gretchen quoted in this chapter, "It is easy to be heavy; hard to be light." Perhaps contentment is the lifting off of the heavy to allow the inner lightness to float up and out.

Let me leave it with this. I read this sign, that was in fact over my head on the ceiling today, as I went for a yearly check-up. It's where I am with contentment.

        

Who doesn't love to be happy?

I've been breaking open Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project throughout the summer. We're deep into this great read, and I have a new opportunity to continue the happiness even after we bring these final chapters to a close. Wanna join in the fun?

        

If you tuned in last Thursday, you saw this lovely graphic at the end of my post on Mindfulness. Erin of Art Social,  Lisa of Joycreation, and Rita of TOMORROWtoday have teamed together (and invited us to join along) to talk about happiness every Thursday.

Oh, yes, I'm joining in the fun, and I'm kicking off a resurgence of happiness with a charming giveaway. First off, I won (Can you say first-time winner?) this contest from Sandra over at Raincoast Cottage, and now I get to pass along my own version of paying it forward!

Here's the skinny:

The very first three people to comment right down there will receive a gift, handmade lovely, from moi. And it will be awesome. And you'll be so gosh darn happy you won. Yes.

To get this super-duper one-of-a-kind present:

• Within a year (I'll be sending out these goodies in the next month), I work long, hard hours to craft the amazingness and mail it to you.
• FINE PRINT: To win this present (as one of the first three) you have to pay it forward.  Your job is to spread happiness on your own blog (whatever kind of happiness you create) and offer a giveaway to the first three commenters.
• CAVIAT: Dear first three commenters, you have 72 hours from noon today to post your giveaway. Send me an email at parscaeli@gmail.com when it's up. If you aren't able to do so, the next commenter (think here runner-up in the Miss America pagaent) wins the prize.

It's so simply good, just like applesauce (What? Play along, please.)

Best of luck, dear readers. I dare say that when I get my creation hat on some great things come about so get in on this early.

XOXO,

MJ

Summer is drawing to a close and so is our read of Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. I've been away from these posts the last two weeks so we're heading back into Chapter 10 for all my readers who have been following all along. If you just joined us, read more. I think Gretchen has some very helpful insights for us in this chapter.

                   

Chapter 10: Pay Attention

Mindfulness is the focus. Focus on mindfulness. And, already I'm veering off...

Mindfulness is a quality that I feel like I mastered (maybe that's too bold...handled) before I had children. I felt very awake and aware of the world around me.

And then...

I got shivers when I read this paragraph. This is all me.

"I have several tendencies that run counter to mindfulness. I constantly multitask in ways that pull me away from my present experience. I often run on automatic pilot–arriving home with no recollection of having gone from point A to point B. (This sometimes terrifies me when I'm driving; I have no recollection of watching the road.) I tend to dwell on anxieties or hopes for the future, instead of staying fully aware in the present moment. I often break or spill things because I'm not paying attention. When I'm introduced to someone in a social situation, I often forget the person's name as soon as I hear it. I finish eating before I've even registered the taste of my food."

Oh, dear. I need to read more.

Gretchen's resolutions:

• Meditate on koans.
• Examine True Rules.
• Stimulate the mind in new ways.
• Keep a food diary.

I loved that Gretchen scattered notes around her space reminding her to stay focused. I loved that she tried hypnosis (I've always wondered whethe it really helps or not), laughter yoga, drawing, listening to music.

I laughed when I read this, "One problem with not being very mindful, it turns out, is that you have trouble keeping your minderfulness records."

Though I could not relate to portions of the chapter, having not experienced them myself, I appreciated the chance to enter into these efforts through Gretchen's eyes.

And so here's my pinnable..

I'm off to stimulate my mind in new ways.

How are you welcoming happiness this week?

XOXO, MJ

Helllloo, Thursday and Summer of Happiness bookclubbers! We're making our way through the inspiring chapters of Gretchen Rubin's useful guide, The Happiness Project. This week we're smack dab in the middle of F-U-N. Gretchen challenges herself to add more fun into her life through these resolutions:

• Find more fun.
• Take time to be silly.
• Go off the path.
• Start a collection.

First off, can I say that as a new blogger (here we are in month 3 of Pars Caeli) that I was interested to see how much of this chapter Gretchen filled with comments from her blog readers!

Anyway, this chapter poses the broad question: what do you consider fun? I identified with Gretchen's inner struggle of what I'd like to enjoy and what I do enjoy. Here's a useful definition of fun that she uses:

Fun: an activity that's very satisfying, has no economic significance, doesn't create social harm, and doesn't necessarily lead to praise or recognition.

What goes running through your head? Where do you find the fun in your life?

Remember back to your childhood, when you were 10, what did you love to do? I remember being really delighted to be in the double digits when I turned ten. I spent lots of time swimming, playing tennis, hanging out and playing games with my family, reading, drawing...

Forgive me for not being more interesting...I still love doing all of those things. I've added a few more to the list of fun but that first list is a known quantity. I always have fun when engaged in those activities.

I identified with Gretchen's accumulation and time investment in blank books. Couldn't you just visualize her as a red-headed little girl, parked in front of the TV with a snack and all of her goodies, ready to make her next collage? I used to spend extensive time writing poetry and quotations in "fancy writing" (emergent calligraphy), and coloring the backgrounds so that I could hang them up or save them in a special sketchbook. (Gee, I am totally still 10.)

Here's a notion that stuck with me - the three types of fun.

1. Challenging fun: it's the most rewarding but requires the most work to step outside of ourselves.
2. Accommodating fun: having fun with/for the sake of others. It strengthens relationships and builds memories.
3. Relaxing fun: no coordination or heavy investment necessary but the passivity of it all makes us LESS happy than the accommodating and much less happy than challenging fun.

This blog is totally challenging fun for me. Just sayin'.

Alright. so it's time to set a resolution for the week, based on Gretchen's ideas.

Take time to be silly.

Though I love to joke, I'm not the best at silly. Silly can frustrate me or at least make me want to move on to the next task more quickly. But this week I'm starting off on my journey to put more silly back into my life.

How about you, reader friends? Where will you find some fun this week?

Thanks for stopping over! It's always so lovely to have you here.

XOXO, MJ

Don't forget to enter our giveaway (winner announced on Monday)!!

And, we're back! Hope your fourth was a great one. I had a lot of fun welcoming some great ladies over for a virtual pool party. For reals, we had a fabulous time with friends, lounging and watching children play.

When I see my children comfortably interacting with new and old friends, I find it easy to be happy in my role as parent...but this is not always the case, right? Parenting is our topic for this week's bookclub. Just to recap, we're doing a tag-along bookclub with Denise over at Hello Moxie. She posted on this chapter last week (while we have our fabulous guests staying over).

Here's what Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project set forth for herself as she came to April and exploring the relationship of parent and child: 

• Sing in the morning. 
• Acknowledge the reality of people's feelings.
• Be a treasure house of happy memories. 
• Take time for projects. 

I always cheat and read ahead to see what the goals for the next chapter will be and then in my head I assess whether I'd have any, some, or all of the same goals. This list of four struck me as an usual quad for parenting, and I was intrigued to read more. Her pairing of the title "Lighten Up" with Parenthood hit home for sure.

I'm proud to be the mom of two daughters - 7 yo M and 5 yo C - and one son, little L, age 2.
And when I read about what Gretchen described as fog happiness, I totally got it. Check this:

The experience of having children gives me tremendous fog happiness. It surrounds me, I see it everywhere, despite the fact that when I zoom in on any particular moment, it can be hard to identify.

Sometimes I grow frustrated with myself or my children because I don't feel, moment to moment, happy with where we are (I often feel tired, excited, ready). When I can have a bit of separation and can see more clearly, I realize how profoundly happy I am to be their mother and to walk with them through the many stages of development, and it all makes sense under the fog of happiness.

"To become more tender and playful..." is the target for Gretchen. I too have put this as a goal for my mom self on a number of different occasions.  I actually find it very helpful to observe other moms doing this well, and I think of a mom friend that I see in Church. She has 7 little people under her tutelage, and she handles them each with what I call, "soft hands." No matter how her children react/behave (good or bad), she always has a soft hand to encourage, console, correct. She's always reaching out to them, physically and sending them signals of her love through gentility and tenderness.

I adored her strategies for really listening to children's feelings. She's right, and I need to take into account how they feel more often (rather than pushing through with my agenda).

1. Write it down - eg: "I'm going to write that down. Eleanor does not like to wear snowboots."
2. Don't feel as if you have to say anything - Yes! More true with some of our children than others, but when C is frustrated, it's so good to just hug her for 2 minutes than always talk through a situation.
3. Don't say no - eg: instead of saying, "No, not until after lunch" try "Yes, as soon as we're finished with lunch."
4. Wave my magic wand - eg: "If I had a magic wand, I'd make it warm outside so we wouldn't have to wear coats."
5. Admit that a task is difficult - eg: "Socks can be tough to get off."

I think the recommendation of being a treasure house of happy memories is a really smart one.

Because people remember events better when they fit with their present mood, happy people remember happy events better, and depressed people remember sad events better. Depressed people have as many nice experiences as other people - they just don't recall them as well.

I'm all about making up traditions, celebrating and reliving great moments, and this cause me to pause to think about how I share this all with my children.

So here's what I'm taking on for this week:

Acknowledge the reality of my children's feelings.

I feel powerful to have five strategies in which to do this so I'm excited for the happiness that's coming my way. 

Here's a final thought (aka pinnable) to leave you with...the four stages of happiness!

Happy reading, friends!! Do tell, how do you keep happiness alive in your relationships with your children?

XOXO,

MJ

 

It's Thursday, friends, and that means it's time for some Happiness. Catching you up to speed, we're tagging along to Denise's great summer bookclub of the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. If you want to hear my take on adding energy to your life or decreasing negativity in your relationships, follow those cheery pink word links.

First a recap of last week. I followed my own path on the resolution list and made a conscious effort to create less negative experiences. Can I break this down for you, friends? Going into this last week, I really thought, "this will have no effect." But, huh, it did. There were a few moments this past week where I could have pressed an issue (like I typically do) or turned a comment into sarcasm (yup, guilty), and I didn't. I took that one extra inhale and kept it to myself. My hubby and I have had some long work nights this week, and eliminating unnecessary negativity (is any negativity necessary? Talk amongst yourselves) helped both us move through the hills and valleys more easily. And even have a sense of humor about it.

This week: a topic near and dear (and always here), happiness in our work.

Gretchen's five resolutions start this chapter titled: Aim Higher

• Launch a blog
• Enjoy the fun of failure
• Ask for help
• Work smart
• Enjoy now

Let me just go sprinting from the gates here...ENJOY THE FUN of failure? Say what? I knew this was going to be a challenge for me to read. Yes on the perfectionist. Yes on the fear of failure. Yes on the need to please.

Moving on.

First nod of agreement: "Being happy can make a big difference in your work life." I have been both happy and unhappy with my worklife at various stages in my career, and as I look back with my brilliant hindsight, I see how some doors closed and windows opened because of my experience. Have you seen this, too?

Here's another that rang a bell: Challenge and novelty are key elements to happiness. Yes. I get this. In the doldrums of day-to-day, if I can insert a surprising twist or turn the mundane into race for myself, I find energy and capacity just waiting to be tapped.

"One reason that challenge brings happiness is that it allows you to expand your self-definition."

As she wrote about blogging, I found myself wanting to pull out a highlighter, which I never use (and of course this is a library book). I've only been blogging since April, and so that rush, the adrenaline of hitting the publish button is still fresh and this wondering of "where in the world do I think this is headed?", still palpable.

I appreciated her ideas on Working Smarter. I don't work in the same way. I find myself setting small goals (send those three emails, finish that project, make phone call) and then adding a bonus to meet that (connect with coworker, take a walk, put on a new song) to add happiness and my version of effectiveness in my work.

And, lastly, I can never get enough of Enjoy Now sorts of themes. I can never be reminded enough. It's really an outcry, a prayer, to be reminded of all the Good gifts we've been given. I really loved reading her positive letter to the negative book review.

This week I'm going to enjoy now and sit back to drink in her first resolution - launch a blog. I'll be busy doing my work in the coming week and away from Pars Caeli as I invite friends over the housesit and entertain (oh, and will you ever be entertained!). And my intuitions tell me I'm going to be a little homesick, too. So, if you're on the fence, not sure if you should or if it's the right time, let me be the one to encourage you:

Launch a blog.

And here's my golden nugget to motivate us both.

Happy work week, friends. That's what the majority are, right? So we might as well make them happy.

How do you add happiness to your job or your vocation?

XOXO,
MJ

The talented Denise at Hello Moxie (hello, have you seen her photos? Wowzer.) has inspired a Summer of Goodness here on Pars Caeli, the weekly bookclub capturing the best elements of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.

Last week I challenged myself to Act More Energetic, a resolution that Gretchen had set for herself in Chapter 1. Real quick recap: Done with Difficulty. In the last seven days, I've had both daughters up vomiting through the night, causing worry, mess, and less sleep for all of us. They both recovered quickly but the witching hour of 4pm (that's our roughest hour with everyone between meals and ready for a break. Do you have one of these in your house?) fought me and drained what little bit of zeal I had left in me from sheer determination. Nevertheless, I do think focusing on energy and being more present and awake in the moment was really helpful, and I saw the positive ways my children responded to this effort.

Chapter Two takes us to Marriage

Here are the resolutions that Gretchen set out:

• Quit nagging
• Don't expect praise or appreciation
• Fight right
• No dumping
• Give proofs of love 

My hubby and I have been married ten years in August, and we've been in love for fifteen. I first admired and respected him as a man of great integrity and character. I fell for his wit, his enveloping expressions of love, and his determination. I can be a self-doubter, but I am sure, and I was sure as I've never been before or since, that he was the man for me...the one with whom I wanted to live in happiness for the rest of our lives.

Marriages are as different as the individuals who vow to be a part of them. I thought this, often, as I read through Gretchen's struggles and solutions in this chapter. Had I made a list on how to be happy + married (which I'm crafting) I don't know that I would include points one, two, or four...and I'm not sure if three and five would make my top resolutions.

In fact, in a similar way to Denise, I was pretty frustrated with Gretchen early on in the chapter. I believe that good marriages necessitate both individuals being loudly, passionately, and lovingly themselves. Simple eg: If you feel like sending Valentine cards is an important part of who you are, then your spouse should know this. He/she does not always have to honor every request and whim, but simply swallowing your needs and wants does not lead to happiness (in my experience).

It also felt strange to me that she didn't let her husband into the research and practice more (part of me even felt bad for him as she was experimenting with different approaches to see his reaction).

But I get it. This book is about the process, the project.

Here are some take aways that I did love:

#1. I was entirely engaged with the Fight Right section. I'm fiesty and often too defensive. I could use help here. I am, like Gretchen, a snapper. Her description of couples who fight right made sense.

Couples...tackle only one difficult topic at a time...these couples ease into arguments instead of blowing up immediately-and avoid bombs such as "You never..." and "You always.

 Ewh, yuck, I utter both of those.

#2. I've been rolling this one over and over in my head:

In marriage, it's less important to have many pleasant experiences than it is to have fewer unpleasant experiences, because people have a "negativity bias"; our reactions to bad events are faster, stronger, and stickier than our reactions to good events.

YES! I get this. In fact, my husband just brought up a morning conversation he had with a blogger about how much more attention negative posts get than positive. Our media is geared toward negativity and drama, and our brains are wired for it, too.

#3. Loved this one:

Although men and women agree that sharing activities and self-disclosure are important, women's idea of an intimate moment is a face-to-face conversation, while men feel close when they work or play sitting along someone.

 From the moment I met my husband, I was struck by what a great companion he was. Never had I met someone so open to accompanying and going alongside of me (and not directing, negotiating, or just letting me go on my own). We both work a lot from home, and even the simplest gesture of the dualing laptops, sitting close on the couch means a lot.

#4. The good word from Yeats:

Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.

Definitely, yes. I have always been given a lovely space to grow and find new pathways to life fulfillments but am I offering the same? How are we helping each other to grow?

So here's what I'm working on for the week. It's not exactly one of Gretchen's resolutions, but she touched on it in her research.

#2 from my takeaways:

Create less negative experiences.

In many ways this ties up all of the resolutions. I am going to work on fighting right & offering more expressions of love. And I'm going to focus on him, and in the forefront of my mind, even with all the craziness that is life, I will create (meaning I have control of this) less negative. And I will naturally create more positive.

What are your thoughts, readers? Did you identify more with Gretchen's resolutions?

What will you take on this week?

Here's a pinnable for you. I've been talking with my kids about this a lot since reading. We've been practicing hugging each other while saying, "I love you, I love you." thoughtfully. That's about six seconds. So far, it's fabulous!

XOXO, MJ

When Denise over at Hello Moxie mentioned in 140 characters or less (go Twitter), that she was planning a summer bookclub on her blog, I knew I wanted to join in the fun.

Are you a fan of the combo of summer & reading? I remember the utter joy I felt when breaking open the stack of chapter books I was required to read in the months before my sixth grade summer. I have such happy memories of those days, lounged across my bed or sitting on the lawn, soaking up mounds of memorable stories.

Jess over at Curated Style put our her own summer reading challenge of 30 books this summer, and I was inspired (and intimidated).

So this piece of Heaven is starting slow but not small with a tag along bookclub of The Happiness Project. Author Gretchen Rubin started out on this adventure to find what makes her happy and multiply it. Throughout the year-long experience, Gretchen offers great research and quotes from great leaders and researchers on the study of happiness. As a collector of words, I find these snippets to be my favorite part.

Those and the Note to Readers in the beginning which lays out the Secrets of Adulthood (lessons learned sometimes too late and ones that Gretchen kept in mind while going through her own happiness project).

It's an awesome list, short and to the point. One in particular caught my eye and I had to read it aloud to my hubby,we're right in the midst of this very thing with summer events about to begin:

"You can't profoundly change your children's natures by nagging or signing them up for classes."

Okay, we'll cancel the yoga sessions.

Chapter 1 takes us through her first month of resolution setting and accomplishments. I found Gretchen's goals approachable and ones I might write for myself:

• Go to sleep earlier
• Exercise better
• Toss, restore, organize
• Tackle a nagging task
• Act more energetic

As an educator, I kind of wanted her to set measurable goals (less "better" and "earlier", more 1 hour earlier or 45 minutes jogging). This is likely part of what I need to work on in my own Happiness Project, but I'll try to keep with her #11 commandment here and suggest that there should be no calculation.

Certainly I could use a good dose of all five of these resolutions, but the one that intrigued me the most was number 5. 

Act more energetic

 

That's the one I'm taking away for this week, and I have a feeling it's going to bring a little more happiness my way. How about you? Is there a resolution that strikes a chord with your life right now?

We'll be exploring more of The Happiness Project here and feel invited to tweet with the #HappinessProject to add to the discussion on Twitter.

And a quotable to pin:

Happy Thursday, friends! See you back here tomorrow...bring your happiness. Or leave it behind, you'll find some here.

XOXO,
MJ