I'm not sure I've ever been ambitious. I used to take this as a knock on my work ethic or even my imagination.

I have good friends (looking at you, H) who have known since adolescence what they wanted to "be." Most of them have worked tirelessly, studied and studied, sought out the people with whom they should connect, and have reached these long-set goals.

When asked the perpetual question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I have answered the question in whimsical ways:

Age 4: a ballerina (I have taken one ballet class in my entire life, and I was much more successful at packing my cute bag than taking on first position)

I don't remember having another answer to that question until junior year of high school (when EVERYone and their brother and sister asks you where you're going to college and what you're going to study). I came up with a sophisticated answer, or so I thought, and said I wanted to be an art therapist. Ha, ha, take that inquisitives!

That's not to say that I'm not driven, or passionate, or even, a little over the top. Doing well in school and entering full force into many activities was never the issue for me. And I'd like to think that my career as a communicator and designer is exactly where I belong, full of potential and life-giving opportunities.

Ambition is defined as:

An eager or strong desire to achieve something, such as fame or power.

And perhaps that's where I get caught up.

Ask me to list the 30 places I'd like to travel, and I'll quickly have a scribbled an exciting list to show you. Wondering what experiences I'd like to offer my children? Got that list narrowed down, too! New skills I want to learn? People I want to meet? Yep and yep. I have SO much that I want to accomplish and SO many people that I want to reach out to along the way.

And I've accomplshed many of these hopes and dreams...

But I'm still not sure I'm ambitious.

If I get to any of these goals or positions without the people that I love or the people I have yet to love, I'm pretty sure they'd fail to interest me. I'm not so much an "art for art's sake" kinda gal. Why go to Paris if I can't have my best friend by my side? Why publish a book if I don't have friends who will enjoy reading it?

I guess all this is to say, I think I've settled on the fact that I'm a community gal. If you and I aren't in this together, then where's the fun?

And if it's ambitious to want to meet new people who will teach the unexpected, then I got this.

And if it's ambitious that I live my life surrounded by talented, warm, giving, and curious people...

Well, then maybe I am ambitious.

xoxo, MJ

"I'm not sure if you would remember me, but this is a former student. I was talking with a friend of mine, who happens to be a teacher, and we were having a conversation about our favorite teacher and without hesitation, I named you as mine. After telling her about you, she really encouraged me to see if I could find you and say hello.

I wanted to say thank you and to tell you what a wonderful teacher I thought you were. You were so encouraging and supportive which really meant so much to me as middle school wasn't the easiest time for me."

This arrived in my inbox at 6:29pm last night.

16 years ago I taught fifth grade. Fresh out of college, transplanted to a new part of the country, excited and overwhelmed at the task of having responsibility for 25 10-year olds, I embarked on the most creative endeavor (save parenting) I will ever pursue.

As a seasoned professional and a mother of 3 now, living far away from my former school, I look back on those days with nostalgia and a whole lot of, "what was I doing/thinking?" I recall the graciousness of the community, the clarity in those young eyes, and the many ways I felt like I just did not do enough for my 51 students over those two years.

Somewhere around dinner last night I changed my mind.

As much as I think I remember everything exactly as it was, I see experiences only through my lens. And, fact is,

You just never know.

You never fully know the impact you have on another.

But in rare, beautiful moments, you may just have the opportunity to realize that you've been somehow instrumental.

Tuesday evening at 6:29pm, I became grateful for one dear student who took the time to find me on the worldwide web and let me know.

Maybe this evening you and I might reach out to someone who's been an important chapter in our story.

Go for it*.

xoxo, MJ

If you suddenly started an expansive button collection, consisting of the most majestic, sparkling, and extraordinary buttons, ones that make you proud to collect buttons and including a handful of, you know, mediocre ones you started with... Would you tell your friends? Take pictures of them with fun hashtags?

What if you started a blog, including a year full of posts that include your ideas, ramblings, projects, and collaborations, ones that make you proud to be a writer/designer/photographer/artist as well as a handful of posts that make you say, "Meh."  Would you share it with your family? Send them links to the posts that are your fave?

Do the real people in my life know I have a blog?

Do they read it?

Over the last year, I have thought about this first question - a lot. I began this blog to keep me actively creating, not necessarily to keep in touch with people I know or bring myself any level of attention (though I do love me a great big page view at the end of the day).

For the first few weeks of blogging I told only my husband about this new thing. Then I sent a Facebook message to a dozen girlfriends who I thought might be willing to read and follow along. Next I told my parents - admittedly a little heeby-jeeby'd that they'd be seeing all of this, in my very mature 30-something way.

It took me a bit to send the blog address along to my closest friends. Why? I'm not completely sure, but at first, this new adventure was easier to share with strangers than people who loved me. If a random person rejects me or, worse, is just disinterested by my blog, that won't hurt so much.

Well, over the year-and-some that I've opened Pars Caeli, it's become very much a part of my creative process, my inside jokes, my free time (what?), and my joy. And now it's kinda weird that everyone in my life doesn't know about it. But how do you casually bring up, "Oh, I have a blog. And, yes, I post something daily, sometimes a few times a week. Uh, yes, I've been doing this for an entire year. Did I not mention this?"

But honestly? The really brilliant part of this reveal experience is that I've been met with only support.

And that little boost or sometimes big bounce like the one that comes from your boss with jokes like, "you're going to be famous," or statements like "what can we do to help you grow?" ... well, those moments are the cups of crisp, cold water on my overheated, stewing mind. Never underestimate the power of support in the early buds of creativity.

So, friends, I've got a blog. It's not an easy conversation starter, but here it is.

And here are the whole spectrum of answers to this question from charming blogger pals of mine:

Do the real people in your life know about your blog? Do they read it?

xoxo, MJ

PS. Head on over to Twitter and follow all of these lovely tweeple because they are good and decent enough to respond thoughtfully to this request of their time. xo

The talented Denise at Hello Moxie (hello, have you seen her photos? Wowzer.) has inspired a Summer of Goodness here on Pars Caeli, the weekly bookclub capturing the best elements of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.

Last week I challenged myself to Act More Energetic, a resolution that Gretchen had set for herself in Chapter 1. Real quick recap: Done with Difficulty. In the last seven days, I've had both daughters up vomiting through the night, causing worry, mess, and less sleep for all of us. They both recovered quickly but the witching hour of 4pm (that's our roughest hour with everyone between meals and ready for a break. Do you have one of these in your house?) fought me and drained what little bit of zeal I had left in me from sheer determination. Nevertheless, I do think focusing on energy and being more present and awake in the moment was really helpful, and I saw the positive ways my children responded to this effort.

Chapter Two takes us to Marriage

Here are the resolutions that Gretchen set out:

• Quit nagging
• Don't expect praise or appreciation
• Fight right
• No dumping
• Give proofs of love 

My hubby and I have been married ten years in August, and we've been in love for fifteen. I first admired and respected him as a man of great integrity and character. I fell for his wit, his enveloping expressions of love, and his determination. I can be a self-doubter, but I am sure, and I was sure as I've never been before or since, that he was the man for me...the one with whom I wanted to live in happiness for the rest of our lives.

Marriages are as different as the individuals who vow to be a part of them. I thought this, often, as I read through Gretchen's struggles and solutions in this chapter. Had I made a list on how to be happy + married (which I'm crafting) I don't know that I would include points one, two, or four...and I'm not sure if three and five would make my top resolutions.

In fact, in a similar way to Denise, I was pretty frustrated with Gretchen early on in the chapter. I believe that good marriages necessitate both individuals being loudly, passionately, and lovingly themselves. Simple eg: If you feel like sending Valentine cards is an important part of who you are, then your spouse should know this. He/she does not always have to honor every request and whim, but simply swallowing your needs and wants does not lead to happiness (in my experience).

It also felt strange to me that she didn't let her husband into the research and practice more (part of me even felt bad for him as she was experimenting with different approaches to see his reaction).

But I get it. This book is about the process, the project.

Here are some take aways that I did love:

#1. I was entirely engaged with the Fight Right section. I'm fiesty and often too defensive. I could use help here. I am, like Gretchen, a snapper. Her description of couples who fight right made sense.

Couples...tackle only one difficult topic at a time...these couples ease into arguments instead of blowing up immediately-and avoid bombs such as "You never..." and "You always.

 Ewh, yuck, I utter both of those.

#2. I've been rolling this one over and over in my head:

In marriage, it's less important to have many pleasant experiences than it is to have fewer unpleasant experiences, because people have a "negativity bias"; our reactions to bad events are faster, stronger, and stickier than our reactions to good events.

YES! I get this. In fact, my husband just brought up a morning conversation he had with a blogger about how much more attention negative posts get than positive. Our media is geared toward negativity and drama, and our brains are wired for it, too.

#3. Loved this one:

Although men and women agree that sharing activities and self-disclosure are important, women's idea of an intimate moment is a face-to-face conversation, while men feel close when they work or play sitting along someone.

 From the moment I met my husband, I was struck by what a great companion he was. Never had I met someone so open to accompanying and going alongside of me (and not directing, negotiating, or just letting me go on my own). We both work a lot from home, and even the simplest gesture of the dualing laptops, sitting close on the couch means a lot.

#4. The good word from Yeats:

Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.

Definitely, yes. I have always been given a lovely space to grow and find new pathways to life fulfillments but am I offering the same? How are we helping each other to grow?

So here's what I'm working on for the week. It's not exactly one of Gretchen's resolutions, but she touched on it in her research.

#2 from my takeaways:

Create less negative experiences.

In many ways this ties up all of the resolutions. I am going to work on fighting right & offering more expressions of love. And I'm going to focus on him, and in the forefront of my mind, even with all the craziness that is life, I will create (meaning I have control of this) less negative. And I will naturally create more positive.

What are your thoughts, readers? Did you identify more with Gretchen's resolutions?

What will you take on this week?

Here's a pinnable for you. I've been talking with my kids about this a lot since reading. We've been practicing hugging each other while saying, "I love you, I love you." thoughtfully. That's about six seconds. So far, it's fabulous!

XOXO, MJ